


let me make you whole again

by starrystars



Series: tangfei; on the other side of the world [1]
Category: HIStory3 - 圈套 | HIStory3: Trap
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Romance, Self-Harm, Slice of Life, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 09:36:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19248535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrystars/pseuds/starrystars
Summary: broken smiles and swollen eyes- shaofei has always thought he can hide his deepest emotions from being see-through. but tangyi knows how to read him like an open book.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> to everyone who shares the same struggle as i do, this is for all of you.
> 
> a university!au for tangfei because why not? ;)

_Prologue_

* * *

 

 

If only he was born as a different person, will he be able to escape this pain?

 

If only he was destined to be someone who is not Meng Shaofei, will it make any difference to his life?

 

Shaofei can only smile at this as the thought is lingering in his mind for the rest of the night. 

 

"The sea of self-hatred is flooding and oh God," Shaofei said, pausing for a brief moment to look at the dark night sky, his mind is hazy from the pain that is delicately engulfing his chest in slow-motion. "- _tonight I'm drowning_."


	2. feels like i'm floating on clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Strangely, that’s how I feel  
> Without knowing, I get butterflies  
> My heart is pounding  
> I can’t control it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone!
> 
> this is the first chapter and i really hope that it's a decent start. i'm not sure if you will like it or not but i hope that you will! i will try my best to improve as i'm writing more chapters in the future.
> 
> i had a hard time writing fluff because it has been a while since i've written this much fluff (therefore this is why this chapter is so cheesy istg)
> 
> hope that this is going to be okay!
> 
> now playing; moonlight - unb

_Feels like I'm floating on clouds_

* * *

 

The fresh morning breeze awakens all his senses from his beautiful dream.

 

Rays of warm sunlight are kissing every expanse of his exposed skin, tender red marks are shown on his dermis as the sun is trying to wake him up from his deep sleep. The comfort of his favorite pillow under his head, the softness of the blanket that is engulfing his entire body is making it hard for him to open his eyes. The feeling of pure solace is inundating his still-sleepy self and his eyes are fighting a battle with his brain. His mind is scolding him to wake up and start the day but his heart is lulling his eyes to continue with his beauty sleep.

 

“TANGYI!!!”

 

In a blink, Tangyi’s eyes are open.

 

His mother’s booming voice rouse him from his sleep, every thought of sleeping in is vanishing from his clouded mind. By the time his brain has processed the events that are happening at the moment, his mother is already at the side of his bed with an expression full of anger.

 

“Mr. Tangyi, you need to wake up now or else you’re going to be late for class.” His mother, Li Zhen said sternly. Combing his son’s messy bed hair with her fingers, a light smile is plastering her beautiful face, the burning anger in her heart slowly subsides.

 

“Ma~” Tangyi cooed, resting his head on his mother’s shoulder. “It’s still so early!” He whined while snuggling closer to the hotness of his mother’s calming scent. The sight of his son’s sleeping face makes her laugh a little because usually Tangyi will always try to look handsome and all neat but he is truly letting his guard down when he is sleepy.

 

The sun is still relaxing because the rays hitting his skin is not intense, it’s just enough to make him feel safe and full inside. Tangyi assumes that it can’t be pass 8 a.m.- he is sure that it’s only 7.30 a.m. now. Therefore, Tangyi still has a lot of time to indulge himself in his personal space where getting back to sleep is still a valid choice for him right now.

 

“Will you please open your eyes and look at the time?”

 

Tangyi opens his eyes as he was told to and a blaring ****8.45 a.m.****  is clear to his view, the clock is ticking too loudly in his eardrums. __God__ , Tangyi mentally cursed himself.

 

“I’m late!” Tangyi immediately jumped off from his bed and stormed to the bathroom. Li Zhen can only smile at her son’s silly antics.

 

 

 

 

 

It only took 10 minutes for Tangyi to be ready. His class will start at 9.30 a.m. and it’s an English class, of all classes that he needs to attend on his first day of university, and it’s one of his least favorite subjects, a close rival to management.

 

Tangyi decided to wear a decent white t-shirt with his navy blue denim jacket, keeping it simple for his first day of freshman year. He runs down the flight of stairs and greets his parents with a cheery smile on his face.

 

“Good morning ma, pa!” He enthusiastically said while grabbing a piece of toast.

 

Tangyi chewed on the toast too quickly, fear of being late to his first class is settling in his mind and to his dismay, he is choking.

 

“God, why are you so clumsy?” His father, Tang Guo Dong scolds him while handling glass of water to Tangyi. Honestly, his son can be as ponderous as he was when he was younger and the thought just makes him smile widely at the sudden memory.

 

“Th-thanks p-pa!” Tangyi swallowed the remnants of toast that is stuck in his throat with a glass of water his father gave to him.

 

“Let’s eat breakfast together,” His father teasingly stated, knowing that his son is going to be late if he wants to have breakfast together.

 

“Pa! I don’t have time for breakfast! I’m running late!” Tangyi said, fiddling to wear his socks while standing and hopping around the kitchen.

 

“Next time, you need to wake up earlier when you have a morning class.” His mother said, giving him a bag of food for Tangyi to eat during lunch.

 

“I will, Officer Zhen. Don’t worry!” Tangyi had successfully worn his shoes by the time his mother gave him his lunch. He kisses his mother on the cheek and hugs his father before leaving the house.

 

“Have a good day Tangyi!” His parents are waving at him with a huge smile on their faces.

 

It makes him feel so loved and warm inside to see his parents together on the doorstep, sending him off to university just like the old days. Truthfully, it is bringing the memories of his younger days into mind. Everything is happening too fast but he is glad that his parents are always there for him.

 

Tangyi waves at them as excitedly as he can and hops on the bus with light, fleeting steps.

 

The view of his parents smiling at him makes him his heart swollen with love.

 

 

 

 

As soon as he entered the class (luckily he managed to find his class with help from the janitor) all eyes are on him. Of course, they will! Tangyi has been running as fast as he can along the way to class and he almost knocks over some students while he’s at it. Tangyi can only exhale a heavy breath and bow to his classmates slightly with an embarrassed smile, his eyes are on the floor almost all the time.

 

When Tangyi is trying to regain his composure, his eyes landed on another pair of orbs that are looking at him with a small smile on his lips as he decided to scan a vacant seat. And again, his equanimity is shattering at the sight of this stranger gazing tenderly at him.

 

The stranger is looking at him with so much softness that mimics the way his parents will always look at him. His heart is really starting to flutter as the butterflies are flying in all directions along his windpipe and down to his stomach. This wonderful sensation he is experiencing right now- Tangyi doesn’t know how to describe it with his limited diction of words but to say the least, this stranger is very… beautiful.

 

_Beautiful._

_Breathtaking._

_Astounding_.

 

And to Tangyi’s enjoyment, the seat beside the stranger is empty.

 

Sprinting towards his destination, Tangyi takes the seat with a victorious smile before anyone can beat him to it. He can hear a delicate chuckle coming from the person beside him. The sound is so angelic and honey-like, Tangyi is sure that the butterflies in his stomach are well-fed at the moment.

 

Bracing himself with a deep inhalation, Tangyi turns to look at the stranger and gives him the brightest smile he can ever muster. “Hello.” Tangyi greeted, feeling pleased with the color red that is brushing the stranger’s fluffy-like cheeks.

 

“H-Hi.”

 

Judging by the way his heart is almost combusting, maybe Tangyi is already on cloud nine right now.

 

“I’m Tangyi,” Tangyi extended his hands as a warm welcoming.

 

“I'm Meng Shaofei,” Shaofei answered and their hand's touch.

 

There are no fireworks, no confetti or sprinkles thrown around the room but there’s this underlying feeling that is settling in his bones and along with his bloodstream. The way Shaofei is smiling at him is enough to make him feel all sorts of things in his heart and Tangyi realizes it’s bad for his health.

 

Tangyi wanted to ask more questions because just by looking at Shaofei, the curiosity to know this person better is eating the insides of his chest like a slow burn. He _oh-so-badly_ wanted to know more about Shaofei but their lecturer has entered the class and is ready to teach them.

 

He has almost forgotten that it’s English class because Shaofei’s smile is so blinding. Along the way, Tangyi almost forgot his own name.

 

 

 

 

“Shaofei!”

 

Tangyi shouted his name as they exit the class. Shaofei, clearly taken aback with the calling of his name turns around with eyes wide in shock. But his eyes immediately turn into a crescent as he sees Tangyi already standing in front of him.

 

“Tangyi,” Shaofei said. Tangyi is having a hard time to breathe from running (just to catch Shaofei from going away) and also by the way Shaofei calls his name.

 

“Are you free right now?” Tangyi asked.

 

“I am. My next class starts at 2. How about you?”

 

Tangyi is smiling at Shaofei because God is truly helping him. “My class starts at 3.”

 

Hope, Tangyi is being hopeful that whatever his heart is feeling right now, maybe Shaofei can feel it too.

 

“Do you want to have lunch with me?” Tangyi said, trying to be brave although, in reality, he is almost in the midst of collapsing.

 

The smile on Shaofei’s face is very delightful to watch, the way his lips are curving upwards and showing rows of perfect teeth- Tangyi has no words to explain but the latter’s smile has already become one of his favorites.

 

“Sure,” Shaofei replied with a smile.

 

In his mind, Tangyi is already doing his victory dance because he gets to spend some time with Shaofei whom he really wants to know more about.

 

“Do you want to go to the cafe?” Tangyi asked as they are slowly walking side by side.

 

“I brought my own lunch. My father prepared it for me.”

 

Tangyi is beaming with a smile that will hurt his jaw in a matter of seconds, but who cares? The idea of them sharing their lunch together is hurting his heart in a very pleasant way. Maybe Tangyi is already out of his mind but in all honesty, he has no time to spare when it is already occupied with Shaofei’s presence.

 

“I brought mine too. We can share?” Tangyi suggestively said. Shaofei nods at him and the smile on his face is everything Tangyi has ever wanted to see in life.

 

Suddenly they can hear loud, shouting noises from their backs that is slowly approaching both of them. As soon as Tangyi turns around, he sees a guy running away while being chased by another guy.

 

“Fang Liang Dian, give me back my lunch box!”

 

“You can’t eat this Zhao Li An! I’ve already cooked a better lunchbox for you!”

 

“But that’s from Yuqi!”

 

“You can’t eat lunchbox that is not from me. Period!”

 

“Jack?”

 

“Zhaozi?”

 

Tangyi and Shaofei said at the same time, staring at the two people who are standing in front of them.

 

“Ah Fei, Jack is being mean!” Zhaozi whined, clinging onto Shaofei’s arms in a childish manner.

 

“Shaofei, I don’t want him to eat Yuqi’s lunchbox, as simple as that!” Jack exclaimed while pulling Zhaozi close to him.

 

Shaking his head in denial, Shaofei is looking at his friends with a tired look in his eyes. “Zhaozi, stop being a baby. Jack, just let him eat that lunchbox and he will eat your lunchbox too. You know that your boyfriend is a big eater.”

 

“But-”

 

“No buts!” Shaofei stated, adverting his eyes at Tangyi who is simply bewildered with the scene that is unfolding at the fore of him.

 

“I’m sorry Tangyi.” Shaofei apologized and took his hands to drag him away from his crazy friends.

 

The way Shaofei’s fingers are lacing with his own; Tangyi notices that his fingers are slightly longer than Shaofei’s but the way their palm is connected together, it’s as if Tangyi has found the missing puzzle of his heart all along.

 

 

 

 

“How do you know Jack?”

 

They are peacefully eating lunch on the rooftop (after all the ruckus that happened a few minutes ago) and Tangyi is feeling itchy all over the place. He is curious because Jack has never introduced him to Shaofei before, but how did Shaofei know his best friend?

 

“Zhaozi is my best friend and apparently he is dating your best friend, Jack, so that’s why I know him. They had been together for six months already, you know that don’t you?”

 

Tangyi nodded because he did know about Jack’s relationship with Zhaozi. __But seriously, why Jack has never introduced Shaofei to me? That little-__

__

“Tangyi? Are you okay?”

 

Shaofei is looking at him with a worried expression on his face. Tangyi doesn’t know if he deserves to be looked at with such genuine emotion from someone but if it’s from Shaofei, he will be delighted to.

 

“I’m okay.” _I’m just sad that I didn’t get to know you earlier than this_ , his heart softly whispered.

 

The ambiance is very calming as the clouds are fluffy and shimmering in white. The sky is a vivid blue, enhancing the color of the leaves that are dancing with the afternoon breeze. Somehow, the sunlight is embracing the color of Shaofei’s fair skin too.

 

“Your mother is such a great cook!” Shaofei exclaimed, stopping Tangyi from silently appreciating the visuals of Shaofei’s figure with his eyes.

 

“Your father is a great cook too.” Tangyi complemented with a heart full of honesty.

 

“Yeah, because I don’t have a mother,” Shaofei said but his eyes are on the sky, full of longing.

 

“Shaofei… I’m sorry,” His heart dropped with the sudden revelation of Shaofei’s life. Tangyi didn’t expect Shaofei to open up to him, or maybe it’s because he is slowly feeling comfortable around Tangyi too?

 

The latter is looking at him now, the smile on his face is nothing but soft and understanding. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

 

The sound of the wind is very calming, and the sound of their in-sync heartbeat is beautiful to the ears.

 

“Thank you for sharing your lunchbox with me. I really hope that we can do this often.” Shaofei stated and in awe, Tangyi can only nod in agreement.

 

Shaofei’s whole figure is sparkling under the sun, his shadows are illuminated with such lucid beauty because when the smile on his face is shown for the whole world to see, Tangyi is left with the feeling of raw astonishment and pure consternation.

 

For the nth time, Tangyi is breathless all over again.

 

 

 

 

_What is this feeling?_

_What is this mess of emotion his heart is facing?_

 

Tangyi’s mind is going haywire with the thought of Shaofei filling every idle spot in his thumping brain.

 

He doesn’t know what it is _yet_ but he is happy that the unknown innervation in his heart is making him smile all night long.

 

That night, Tangyi’s dream is decorated with a beautiful smile and a pair of soft eyes that attained to make his heart quiver, even in his sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so badly written...


	3. feels like i'm suffocating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's cold and painful- the feeling of being not enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time writing this chapter because I really wanted to capture the essence of insecurity in Shaofei. I hope this is okay though...

_Feels like I'm suffocating_

* * *

 

“In all honesty Jack, why didn’t you tell me you are friends with Shaofei?!”

 

The look of anger in Tangyi’s face is rather amusing than horrifying for Liang Dian, to say the least. A cup of hot coffee is in his hand as they are relaxing in the coffee shop near to their houses. The dark sky is decorated with brightly lit stars and a full moon; the ambiance is really befitting to be with the ones you love and Liang Dian is really questioning why he is with Tangyi now other than being with Zhaozi?

 

Liang Dian can only roll his eyes in pure annoyance. _This guy right here_ , he snorted, _unbelievable, why am I here again?_

“Liang Dian!” Tangyi shouted, earning glares upon glares from other customers that are trying to enjoy their coffee in peace.

 

The only thing Liang Dian can do at the moment is to cover his best friend’s mouth hurriedly with his hands before Tangyi can further embarrass them  ~~himself~~ in public.

 

“Tangyi, you really need to control your temper. Patience is a virtue,” Liang Dian calmly stated.

 

Tangyi bit the inside of his palm. “Virtue my ass!” Liang Dian is screeching in pain. “I had been asking you the same question for hours but you just stared at me and how _dare_ you roll your eyes on me?”

 

“I didn’t!” Liang Dian said, trying to defend himself.

 

Unbeknownst to Liang Dian, he is rolling his eyes again out of habit (whenever he is with Tangyi though because his best friend can really be super annoying sometimes)

 

Tangyi immediately hit the back of his head in ire. “You did! You just did!”

 

“There’s something in my eyes!” Liang Dian tried to make excuses but he miserably failed as Tangyi is ready to flick his forehead instead.

 

Terrified with Tangyi’s next move (since Tangyi’s flicks are very venomous and can leave you dizzy for hours) Liang Dian finally surrenders. “Okay, okay! I will tell you now. Just please, stop using physical violence on me. I’ll report to your mother if you keep on abusing me Tangyi,” He threatened his best friend with his secret weapon which is Tangyi’s mother.

 

Finally sitting still and wearing his pleading-puppy eyes, Tangyi waits for Liang Dian to spill the tea because it has been bothering him, the idea of Liang Dian befriending Shaofei and didn’t even bother to introduce him to Tangyi is really getting on his nerves.

 

“You know that Zhaozi is my boyfriend, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Tangyi nodded almost too enthusiastically.

 

“And you know that Zhaozi is Shaofei’s best friend, am I correct?”

 

“Yes… and?”

 

Liang Dian is looking at Tangyi quizzically. “And?” He asked back, clearly in the state of confusion by Tangyi’s remark.

 

“And?!” His voice raised an octave higher again. At this rate, they might be kicked out by the owner of this coffee shop for sure.

 

“That’s all!” Liang Dian stated in defeat.

 

“That’s it?” Tangyi’s tone changed from high to low. His eyes are not burning with enthusiasm like before.

 

“Yeah. It’s very simple actually. We have been dating for six months and I get to know Shaofei along the way too.” Liang Dian explained while eyeing Tangyi from his head and down to his shoes. “Why are you so curious about Meng Shaofei?”

 

Why is he so curious about Meng Shaofei?

 

Why does the thought of not knowing Shaofei beforehand is disturbing him to the core?

 

_Why?_

 

A cunning smile is displaying on Liang Dian’s face as he says, “Do you like him?”

 

In an instant, the tip of his ears are reddening and his cheeks are starting to burn. Tangyi doesn’t get flustered that easily but why he is blushing right now?

 

“N-no!” He stuttered, almost tumbling with his own word. “No, I don’t.” _I haven’t_ , is what Tangyi wanted to say.

 

Liang Dian’s smile is widening. “Shaofei is a really great guy. You are very lucky to have feelings for him. If I’m not dating Zhaozi, I might fall for his charms too,”

 

Tangyi receives a pat on his back and the touch lingers as a comfort he didn’t know he needed at this moment. Liang Dian is looking at him with a reassuring smile on his face. It makes him wonder what does that smile means?

 

 _ _You are very lucky to have feelings for him__ , those words are playing like a broken record in his mind as he is now sipping the already-cold coffee, trying to savor the bitter taste of dark liquid on his taste buds but his mind is not at ease. Everything is jumbling into a beautiful mess, rendering Tangyi mindless for the night.

 

_Do I have feelings for Shaofei?_

 

 

 

 

If the stars can speak, they might as well be Shaofei’s adviser by now.

 

Shaofei is a very simple guy and lives by his own stand and resolution but sometimes, he can’t help but think if he is not enough for everything?

 

Sometimes, the thought of not being good enough is really haunting him. Maybe this is a problem that can be settled in a day for other people but not for Shaofei. His mind tends to complicate things and his heart will often doubt people’s perception about him.

 

It’s very tiring to be someone that wants nothing more than to be loved by everyone because, in reality, not everyone will like you. Even if we treated them nicely, some of them will definitely bite back.

 

Is it wrong to be good? _No_. Is it wrong to be too nice? _Maybe_.

 

His father had once told him that good people are the ones who can change the world, but being too nice will hurt them even more.

 

Being too nice to people can be a toxic trait too, and Shaofei thinks this is true.

 

Because in his life, his heart breaks are usually coming from the ones he trusts and loves the most.

 

Because he is too nice.

 

The aftermath of being too kind is people will always take advantage of you, they will leech on you, sucking you dry and you are left with nothing but pain.

 

Shaofei is so tired.

 

No one knows his inner struggle except for his father. Even Zhaozi isn’t aware of his own problems because his best friend is a good soul and he never did any harm to Shaofei; but can this really be categorized as a problem?

 

Shaofei is clueless too.

 

“Dear stars, do you think this is a concern?” Shaofei looked up to the shining globe, patiently waiting for an answer.

 

Silence is engulfing his space and the cold wind is patting his cheeks as the night deepens.

 

Shaofei falls asleep with the same thought in mind over and over again.

 

 

 

 

Today is a great day for Tangyi.

 

He successfully woke up earlier than expected and he did get to have breakfast with his parents before going to class. He met Liang Dian for their management class and now the clock is ticking at 2 p.m. It’s English class now, and as much as Tangyi dislike English, he looks forward to it because he gets to meet Shaofei.

 

But Shaofei is nowhere to be seen.

 

Tangyi is fidgeting in his seat because the seat next to him is empty. Usually, Shaofei will be the first to arrive but to his dismay, it seems like Shaofei is running late. _That’s weird_ , he said.

 

Mrs. Zou enters the class with elegance; her short hair is beautifully made at the priciest salon there is and her outfit is as posh as always. Mrs. Zou is Mr. Daoyi’s wife who teaches management. Sometimes Tangyi does wonder how they ended up being together because Mrs. Zou is very evil-looking (sometimes when she caught Tangyi staring at Shaofei instead on the wide board) while Mr. Daoyi is a very decent guy that Tangyi really look up to.

 

10 minutes have passed but Shaofei is not here. The worry in his face is really evident because Mrs. Zou is giving him a warning through her piercing eyes.

 

All of a sudden, a figure enters the class and all of their attention is adverted toward the door.

 

“Mrs. Zou, I’m sorry for being late!”

 

 _It’s Shaofei_.

 

He is sweating like crazy and his chest is heaving up and down in a vigorous manner. His cheeks are flushed and Shaofei is trying so hard to catch his breath. Something in Tangyi’s heart is stirring but he doesn’t know what it is.

 

Everyone is aware of Mrs. Zou’s rules.

 

  1. _Don’t be late to class_
  2. _All assignments must be submitted on the deadline_
  3. _No handphone during class_



 

Tangyi is afraid, he truly is. Shaofei must have his reasons, he will not purposely be late to class, Tangyi tried to convince himself.

 

“Meng Shaofei, you are 15 minutes late. A new record for an A student I see,” Mrs. Zou said. Judging by the way she is looking at Shaofei, Tangyi knows it won’t end well.

 

“I’m very sorry Mrs. Zou,” Shaofei apologized, bowing humbly to her.

 

Mrs. Zou scoffs at Shaofei’s apology. “As a punishment, you need to write _I’m sorry_  a thousand time and submit to my table before 5 p.m., are we clear?”

 

Some people are gasping with cruel punishment but some of them are actually giggling. Tangyi is trying to find the source of those heartless giggles and it’s coming from Shu Lan and Wei Qi.

 

_Could it be…?_

 

“Yes, Mrs. Zou.”

 

 

 

 

The hurt on Shaofei’s face is really evident.

 

He has been in complete silence from the start of their lecture until the end of class. Tangyi has never seen Shaofei like this before even after a few weeks of sharing English classes with the latter. Shaofei is always smiling and is always laughing with him, Yu Qi and Jun Wei but not today. His expression is as sour as a lemon and it is hurting Tangyi without him realizing.

 

“Ah Fei, have you submitted our assignment?” Shu Lan approached Shaofei who is still in a haze apparently.

 

Shaofei looks up and he gives him a small but forceful smile. “Yes,”

 

Wei Qi is screaming in delight, her voice is really hurting everyone’s eardrums. Tangyi noticed the look of annoyance on Yu Qi’s face but decided to ignore it for the meantime.

 

“Thanks, Shaofei, you are the best!”

 

Yu Qi is now standing to face Wei Qi with a look of anger on her face. “Don’t tell me that you asked Shaofei-ge to submit your assignment?!”

 

Shu Lan is pushing Yu Qi away from standing too close to his girlfriend. “What’s your problem? Shaofei didn’t say anything and he was willing to help us, so what?!”

 

Jun Wei hits the table to surpass his choler. “He was punished because of you. You should have submitted the assignments by your own, why do you even bother asking Shaofei to help you? You know that he has a class!”

 

“Why are you guys so worked up for? We met Shaofei when he was about to enter the class, so we asked him for help and he’s okay with it, right Shaofei?”

 

Shaofei, who has been silent the whole time can only nod at them.

 

Tangyi can’t even believe the situation that is unfolding in front of him. _Is this the real Meng Shaofei?_

 

“You should have said sorry to him, nonetheless! You made him late to class!”

 

Shu Lan scoffs in wrath. “If he ran faster he could have been in class on time!”

 

Tangyi has enough of this bullshit.

 

“Apologize to him,” Tangyi said venomously.

 

Wei Qi is looking at him as if Tangyi is speaking absolute gibberish. “Who are you to say that to us?”

 

The thin thread of Tangyi’s patience has finally snapped.

 

Tangyi reaches for Shu Lan’s arms and he twists it to his back, earning a painful scream from the latter. “Apologize to Meng Shaofei, _now._ ”

 

Shu Lan is clearly terrified and so is Wei Qi with Tangyi’s threat. “I’m sorry! We are sorry Shaofei!” The couple started to apologize but Shaofei can only look at them lifelessly.

 

“It’s okay. Tangyi, please let them go.” He said. Tangyi can only oblige and releases his grip on Shu Lan’s arms.

 

“I was the one who volunteered to help, they are not at fault,” Shaofei confessed, but his words sounded like a lie in Tangyi’s ears.

 

“But Shaofei-ge!” Yu Qi wanted to protest but Shaofei stops her immediately.

 

“I’m going now, goodbye.” With that, Shaofei took his things and exited the class, leaving all of them behind.

 

Tangyi is glaring at Shu Lan and Wei Qi until they too leave the class. He can only look at Yu Qi and Jun Wei in disbelief; _how many times has Shaofei being treated like this?_

 

Sighing, Yu Qi and Jun Wei can only give Tangyi a small smile as gratitude for teaching the couple a lesson. There are so many questions in his head and there are so many things he wants to know about Shaofei.

 

But Tangyi can’t get the look of hurt on Shaofei’s face off from his mind.

 

 

 

 

The sun is almost setting as Shaofei is indulging himself alone on the rooftop where everything is peaceful and quiet.

 

His mind was in complete haywire, but luckily now everything is returning back to normal.

 

He can hear the door is closing behind him with a loud thud but Shaofei doesn’t even bother to know who or what has entered his personal sanctuary.

 

“Shaofei,”

 

Surprisingly, it’s Tangyi.

 

“Tangyi,” Shaofei said, the name rolled off from his lips like butter on a hot pan as his feelings are starting to melt when Tangyi smiled softly at him.

 

Tangyi hands him a can of coffee (it’s his favorite coffee) and Shaofei can only look at Tangyi in surprisal. “How do you know this is my favorite?”

 

A cheeky is smile is gracing Tangyi’s lips. “I have my trusted sources.”

 

Shaofei is chuckling. Tangyi can finally exhale a breath of relief because to hear the small chuckle from Shaofei is enough to make his day.

 

“You are so weird,” Shaofei said.

 

The sky is a mixture of orange, red, yellow, pink and purple; those colors are blending together to form a sunset. In a second, those neon colors will turn into dark blue and the sun will be replaced by the moon and his compliance, the stars.

 

If only Shaofei can see how beautiful he is right now, would he realize his worth?

 

Tangyi wanted to reach out, he is dying to ask so many questions to Shaofei but the serene look on the latter’s face is enough to render Tangyi speechless.

 

His initial intention was to ask Shaofei about everything that happened to him earlier today. He was punished and he took every word from Shu Lan and Wei Qi lightly, as if it didn’t affect him at all.

 

But his eyes won’t lie; Shaofei’s eyes were glistening with tears that were bound to fall. It’s not hard for Tangyi to notice it since his eyes are always on Shaofei nowadays.

 

“Shaofei,” Tangyi called delicately. The latter is looking at him with his wonted sparkling doe-eyes that is holding Tangyi’s entire universe in its orbs.

 

His heart is racing.

 

Hesitantly, Tangyi places his hand on Shaofei’s shoulder and squeezes it comfortingly. “It’s okay, Shaofei.”

 

Shaofei is clearly taken aback as his eyes are now staring widely at him.

 

“It’s okay to cry,” Tangyi stated.

 

Upon saying those words, Shaofei is shattering right in front of him.

 

But his cries are silent, Shaofei is swallowing every pain he is feeling from rupturing.

 

Tangyi really wants Shaofei to let it all out.

 

As the sky is darkening and the moon is appearing, Shaofei’s silent cry is ringing too loudly in Tangyi’s eardrums.

 


	4. feels like everything is alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just want the night to come  
> Just like this  
> A day with you is a good day  
> So I hope you’ll come into my arms again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling quite bubbly today, hehe. I hope that everyone is having a good day/night! <3

_Feels like everything is alright_

* * *

 

 

Savoring the coldness of night air that is kissing his cheeks tenderly, Shaofei indulges himself with the warmth that Tangyi exudes as they are walking closely, side by side.

 

After a rather long and tiring day, usually, Shaofei doesn’t like to be bothered, simply because he is always used to being alone. Even when he is with Zhaozi, Yu Qi and Jun Wei, he will always feel isolated and unwanted. It’s a very toxic mindset that he has, Shaofei is aware of this, but somehow it has always been in his mind since forever. Isn’t it better to be alone? Shaofei really despises himself for being a burden to some of his friends, Zhaozi especially.

 

His emotions are always at the edge of the cliff, are always like fireworks ready to explode, and Shaofei will always be at the verge of falling. One simple mistake and he will plunge from that escarpment with no one to save him. _No one_.

 

But what Tangyi did to him today was different, Tangyi has brought hope to his life, _maybe Tangyi can save him from falling_.

 

It’s still too early for everything.

 

He has known Tangyi only for a few weeks, but the latter can read and see through him like an open book. Truth to be told, Shaofei is afraid. He is scared of unveiling the emotions he has always been keeping away from a lot of people and especially to Tangyi. He doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone because they have their own problems to handle; Shaofei doesn’t want to add to their predicament with his struggle of balancing his emotion and mood.

 

His problem is so small compared to others. People around the world are having a limited source of food, political dispute, and war, while Shaofei here only has a hard time coping with himself. His trials can’t even be considered as an issue, but here he is, sometimes acting as if it’s the end of the world. _How pathetic_.

 

Shaofei is terrified of the consequences because what if Tangyi found out about his problems and leaves him because of how petty he is?

 

Tangyi is such a good friend and a kind soul, although sometimes he can be cold and stiff, Shaofei enjoys the presence of Tangyi by his side during their shared English classes. He doesn’t want to sacrifice this new profound happiness for anything.

 

Tangyi makes him feel loved and taken care of, just how his father does to him.

 

Stealing glances at his side, Shaofei’s steps are halted with a sudden break because Tangyi is already looking at him. His eyes are so soft-looking and full of understanding. Shaofei doesn’t deserve this.

 

 _It’s okay to cry_ , Shaofei remembered those words and it has been playing in his head like a broken record. No one has ever said that to him before and Shaofei too, thought that it’s impossible. Crying is a sign of weakness, therefore, he will always try his best to not break apart as much as probable by letting the emotions sink into his bones and waft in the air.

 

Eventually, the sadness does disappear but there’s always a bitter taste on his tongue that leaves him feeling unsettled. Those feelings will linger in his stomach long enough to wake him up at night as a new batch of tears is falling silently from his already-swollen eyes.

 

Honestly, Shaofei has always been trying, has always been battling with himself thus he is not used to letting himself crack especially in front of anyone. But Tangyi had successfully punched the walls he built with a simple sentence, he can’t even imagine just how the latter will further unfold him and his hidden layers.

 

Exhaling a long breath, Shaofei closes his eyes for a brief, only to feel warm fingers are interlacing with his fairly cold ones.

 

Tangyi is smiling at him, a smile so bright and uplifting, Shaofei can hear the angels are singing and can see the stars are dancing along the night sky.

 

Tangyi is really handsome and downright beautiful.

 

This feeling of hope that is sprouting in his chest, Shaofei wants it to remain there as long as possible considering it’s the only way to know that Tangyi is there to catch him.

 

 

 

“We are here,” Shaofei announced as they have reached Shaofei’s house.

 

They had been silently walking together from the rooftop to Shaofei’s house. Tangyi doesn’t mind the silence being known that so much is going on in Shaofei’s mind. It gives him more opportunity to appreciate the glow of the latter’s figure as the moon is lighting his beautiful features in soft hues of white and silver.

 

“I think my father is at home. Come on,” Shaofei pressed the bell and the door unlocks, revealing a man that is seeming to be Shaofei’s father.

 

“Fei Fei, just in time! I have cooked your favorite soup and __oh__ \- look who’s here,” Shaofei’s father, _Chen Wenhao_ , as Tangyi can see on his name tag, greeted them with a smile so warm and welcoming. Shaofei must have inherited his father’s smile because Tangyi can feel how friendly his father is.

 

“Pa, didn’t I tell you to go change before you start cooking?”

 

“I will, soon. Now, stop nagging as an old woman will you?” Wenhao said but his eyes are on Shaofei, all curious with the young man standing next to his son.

 

Getting the signal, _finally_ , Shaofei smiles at his father and say, “Ah, Pa! This is Tangyi, my friend from university.”

 

Wenhao is looking at Tangyi from the top of his head and down to his shoes. Tangyi can only bow politely at him with a nervous smile. “Hello uncle, my name is Tangyi and it’s an honor to meet you.”

 

Shaofei’s father is beaming at him and Tangyi exhales the breath he has been holding since the moment Shaofei’s father greeted them. It almost feels as if he is meeting his father-in-law, wait, _what?_

 

“Okay, you boys better go to the kitchen while I go change before Fei can nag at me again.” He said, earning an annoyed glare from his son. “Tangyi, make yourself at home, okay?” Wenhao shook both of his hands and Tangyi is suddenly engulfed with the feeling of compassion and amenity.

 

As Tangyi enters the sanctuary, the smell of dumpling soup is tickling every sense in his body. He has always love home-cook food and maybe today is his lucky day.

 

A hand is already on top of his as Shaofei is dragging him to the kitchen where the delicious scent of hot and thick soup is coming from. His stomach is grumbling as he sees a bowl full of fresh, dumpling soup is already on the table, waiting to be eaten.

 

“Wow, this is amazing,” Tangyi stated in awe.

 

“You need to taste it first to make sure it’s amazing,” Teasingly, Shaofei said with a smile that has finally reached his doe-eyes.

 

Shaofei ushers him to take a seat while the other is reaching for the plates and three sets of chopsticks. Tangyi has almost forgotten that they are a party of three, too mesmerized by the ken of piping hot soup in front of him.

 

Wenhao enters the kitchen and Tangyi immediately stood up, bowing at Shaofei’s father but he can only laugh at Tangyi’s overly-polite manners.

 

“Tangyi, you don’t have to bow at me all the time,” Wenhao assured, patting Tangyi’s back to ease the tension this young man is feeling. He can only nod at Shaofei’s father and smile because God, why is he being so nervous about?

 

The three of them are seated in the small, square table for four, with Shaofei is sitting opposite of Tangyi while Wenhao sits beside them both. From his angle, Tangyi can perfectly see Shaofei and the dark sky that is painted with glimmering stars and a crescent moon behind him.

 

Shaofei is scooping the first bowl of soup to his father and then he took Tangyi’s bowl and fills it with the delicious broth. The latter gently places the bowl close to Tangyi and looks up to him with a smile.

 

As if in a trance, Tangyi finds it hard to pry his eyes away from Shaofei. So many things are happening in his head and his chest is feeling so tight with the fluttering feeling of everything Shaofei has done to him. His heart is swelling in pure delight, the butterflies are once again free to fly all over his system.

 

“Tangyi, you shouldn’t be staring at Fei for too long. You better eat this soup or else it will run cold,” Wenhao said with a delicate smile that stretches his lips. His eyes are crinkling with happiness because as a father, of course, he can clearly see if someone is interested in his son and Tangyi here, seems to be all over the moon for his Shaofei. _How cute_ , his heart whispered.

 

Shaofei, who is now chewing the hot dumpling can only look at his father in disbelief, “Pa!” He shouted. His cheeks are now painted with the colors of shyness and embarrassment; red.

 

It’s so endearing, the sight of Shaofei and his father together, bickering and laughing at each other. Tangyi is so happy and glad that he gets to witness this side of Shaofei, feeling thankful to God because the other is comfortable enough to be himself around him.

 

“So, Tangyi,” Wenhao exclaimed while clearing his throat after a few minutes of bickering with his beloved son. “How long have you been friends with my son?”

 

The nervousness is attacking his system once again. Tangyi feels as if he is being interrogated, but he has done nothing wrong though, so why is he so jumpy?

 

“Um…” Tangyi uttered anxiously. The chopstick in between his fingers are shaking but when his eyes landed on Shaofei, everything seems to be alright again. “Not that long, uncle. We shared English classes together and he is my desk mate.”

 

“Do you like being friends with Shaofei?”

 

“Pa, stop asking Tangyi those ques-”

 

“I do,” Tangyi stated, finally feeling the confidence he usually has coming back to him. “I do uncle,”

 

Smiling at Tangyi, Wenhao says, “Just call me Pa, you are just like my son too.”

 

The color red is now tainting Tangyi’s cheeks and down to his neck vividly, but Shaofei is far from better. His friend is almost at the threshold of collapsing.

 

“Pa!”

 

The melodious laughter coming from Shaofei and his father is resounding once again. Tangyi really enjoys this moment, he really does. The father and son duo is having a non-stop squabble session while Tangyi is there being their loyal audience. Once in a while, Wenhao will ask him questions and although the nervousness is still there Shaofei’s father is really an expert in making him feel comfortable and relax.

 

Albeit at times Shaofei will flail clumsily as he pleads his father to stop showing his baby pictures to Tangyi (Shaofei is really cute with his doe-eyes and all), sometimes dropping the spoon and spilling the broth on his shirt, Tangyi still finds Shaofei to be really fascinating.

 

There are a lot of beautiful things in this world, and one of them has to be Meng Shaofei.

 

 

 

As both of them are walking along with the flight of stairs to Shaofei’s room, Tangyi is amazed by the view of the night sky over and over again.

 

Since the wall of Shaofei’s house is made of glass, the white curtains only act as a shield from the blaring rays of the sun during the day. But at night, Tangyi can almost see the entire universe through the windows of Shaofei’s residence.

 

To his discovery from Zhaozi, Shaofei is the son of a CEO, his father owns a book company and it’s really not a big deal for them to live in such a five-star crib but still, Tangyi is really blown away by the fact.

 

Shaofei has always been so down-to-earth, his clothes and everything doesn’t indicate him to be from a very wealthy family but he is. Even his father said that Shaofei loves to live his life decently; usually, Wenhao is the one who bought expensive things for his son because Shaofei will never ask for it. He is accustomed to being living his life in low-profile.

 

Tangyi idolizes Shaofei for that.

 

They entered Shaofei’s room and the decor is really similar to that one Korean drama Tangyi is watching. Everything is decorated with precise details; the position of the bed, the study table, the curtains and simply everything.

 

The warm color of black and gray combined really suits Shaofei’s personality; mysterious and elegant. Just perfect.

 

“Tangyi, it’s really late. Do you want to sleep over?” Shaofei asked as he closes the door.

 

He glances at his wristwatch and he gasped in surprise. “It’s already 11.30 p.m.?” He said while looking at Shaofei.

 

The other can only nod at him. “If you want to sleep over, I really don’t mind. Do you have class tomorrow?”

 

“Not until 12 though,” Tangyi said. His parents must be worried sick about him.

 

“I’ll give my parents a call first, okay?”

 

The latter approves with a nod and disappears into the bathroom.

 

Dialing his mother’s phone number, Tangyi waited for his mother to pick up.

 

“Hello-”

 

“ _Tangyi, where on earth are you?!_ ”

 

Tangyi can exhale a breath because of course his parents will be worried. Even though he is a grown-up now, but that doesn’t stop his parents to be aware of his whereabouts.

 

“Ma, I’m sorry for not calling you. I’m at my friend’s house. Is it okay for me to stay over?”

 

His mother is silent for a while. “ _I thought you were kidnapped! Don’t go around missing in action again, okay mister?_ ”

 

“Yes ma, I won’t. I’m really sorry.” Tangyi apologized.

 

He can almost see the smile on his mother’s face as his mother says, “ _Okay then. Your father allowed you to stay there. Call us when you are going home tomorrow, okay?_ ”

 

Smiling almost too brightly, Tangyi answers, “Yes, ma! Okay ma, it’s late. You should go to sleep. Bye ma, pa, love you!”

 

He ended the call and turns around to find Shaofei exiting the bathroom with a new set of comfy clothes. “They gave me the permission,” He said with a smile.

 

If Tangyi is looking closely, he can almost see a shy smile and flushed cheeks on Shaofei, but maybe it’s all in his imagination.

 

 

 

 

“Your house is really cool,” Tangyi said, breaking the silence between them.

 

They are both laying on the bed. After battling for a few minutes (Shaofei offered to sleep on the couch because he is afraid if Tangyi isn’t comfortable with sleeping together, but Tangyi can only stare at him in distrust and assured Shaofei he has no problem sharing a bed with him), the lights are switched off and the only source of light available is from the crescent moon upon the dark, night sky.

 

“Thank you,” Shaofei answered.

 

He can hear the other is taking slow and deep breaths. As much as this day is already going to an end, Tangyi is certain that the thought in Shaofei’s mind is still running.

 

Tangyi turns to his right just to face Shaofei who is staring at the ceiling of his room. From his point of view, Tangyi can draw the outline of Shaofei’s nose and lips with his eyes and it dawdled, long enough for his brain to store the image in his memory.

 

“Don’t think of it too much, Shaofei.” He said, and the latter is now turning his body to face Tangyi too.

 

For a moment, just a concise moment, Tangyi’s heart stops beating.

 

“It’s going to be alright,” Tangyi said, more like a promise he had made to himself. A vow he had made to help Shaofei. “Trust me,”

 

Shaofei’s eyes are fluttering open, revealing a pair of orbs that are looking all vulnerable and timid, but Tangyi knows he is more than that.

 

“You are going to be alright,” He whispered.

 

When Shaofei is subtly smiling at him, Tangyi’s heart is filled with nothing but relief.

 

 

 

 

To be frank, Tangyi’s fingers are feeling itchy to tear Shu Lan’s hands away from encircling Shaofei’s shoulder.

 

The expression on Shu Lan’s face means nothing but trouble to Tangyi and he is certain the latter is trying to ask Shaofei a favor.

 

 _Not on my watch_ , Tangyi whispered in determination.

 

“Ah Fei, are you busy today?” Shu Lan asked him with pleading eyes.

 

 _Here we go again_ , Shaofei thought. Can people just stop taking advantage of him so that he can actually enjoy his moment in peace?

 

“Why?”

 

Shu Lan is playing with the collar of his simple button-down shirt and Shaofei knows this gesture too well. “I have a date with Wei Qi today…”

 

Shaofei can only look at Shu Lan tiredly. “You want me to help you with the assignment?”

 

Tour de suite, Shu Lan’s whole face is gleaming. “You are really the best, Meng Shaofei!”

 

When only Shu Lan wanted to leave the scene, Tangyi is quick to step in and place his hand against the other’s chest, stopping him from moving.

 

“On second thought, sadly, Meng Shaofei can’t help you with that,” Tangyi said, letting his eyes to pierce into this man that clearly has no shame at all. After he was threatened by Tangyi, this guy still hasn’t learned from his mistakes?

 

“I can’t?” Shaofei asked.

 

“He can’t?” Shu Lan asked too, clearly stupor with Tangyi’s sudden appearance.

 

Tangyi pulls Shaofei close to him and naturally wrap his hands around the latter’s waist, earning a yelp from his friend.

 

“Apparently, Shaofei has a date with me in a minute from now so yes, he can’t. Right, Shaofei?”

 

Shaofei is looking at him as if he is a ghost or something because the usual red on his cheeks are disappearing and Tangyi can only see paleness across his face.

 

 _Please say yes Shaofei_ , Tangyi pleaded internally, _I want to help you out_ , Tangyi smiles at Shaofei, hoping that he can take this as a signal to free himself from being Shu Lan’s slave any longer.

 

“Is it true, Ah Fei?”

 

If only they are not in public, Tangyi _oh-so-badly_  wants to punch Shu Lan on the face. Reason being, no one can treat Shaofei so lowly like this, at least not when the latter has already become an important person in Tangyi’s life.

 

For a second, Tangyi thought that Shaofei might deny his help, but then, his eyes are glimmering when it landed on Tangyi and there’s that smile on his face again.

 

Clearing his throat, he answers, “Y-yeah, I forgot about it. Sorry, Shu Lan,” He said, and Tangyi is feeling nothing but proud.

 

Shu Lan looks so defeated, he left both of them immediately. Tangyi is literally jumping in excitement because his mission is accomplished!

 

“Tangyi, you don’t have to do that,” Shaofei said, breaking the thought of him celebrating his success in his mind.

 

He takes Shaofei’s hands and holds it tight. They are in front of their class and a good number of students are looking at them questioningly but in this sea of people, his eyes are only on Shaofei.

 

“I will,” _I will help you _.__  “It’s not a big deal,” _I will not let you fall again_.

 

A relief smile is decorating Shaofei’s face and it does take every control that Tangyi has remained to not do things he will regret later.

 

Interlacing their fingers together, Tangyi smiles at Shaofei and say, “Enough with the talking, let’s go on our date!”

 

With that, Tangyi starts running and Shaofei is having the most difficult time in his life as he is being dragged by Tangyi toward the door.

 

The smile on Shaofei’s face is still lingering as they exited the building.

 

 _Thank you_ , he whispered in a breath while looking at Tangyi who is like the summer sun that is brightening in his dark world.


	5. feels like disintegrating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it has been awhile.

_so, please_

_tell me it's alright_

* * *

 

If Shaofei is being honest with himself, he is at the brink of exploding.

 

His fingers are safely entwined with Tangyi’s, creating a knot that is beautiful and too mesmerizing in his point of view. Just by the way their fingers are lacing together, a contrast between small and large, caramel skin against milky ones; Shaofei doesn’t know if he deserves to witness this phenomenon. If only Tangyi is aware of the rapid beating coming from his heart, will their fingers depart from each other?

 

They are running.

 

Tangyi’s hands are always on his, sending an ample amount of warmth that soothes his heart to the core. Those hands are strong, holding him as if he is made of glass and as if fragile stickers are plastered all over his body. Shaofei is having a hard time breathing, but this is not because of his anxiety, this is something different, something that can’t be put into words, can’t be crafted into a complete sentence. His emotions are painted with splashes of soft pink and yellow, of happiness and serenity, and this is all thanks to Tangyi.

 

He is thankful that Tangyi was there as his knight in shining armour again. In fact, Tangyi is always there whenever he is in need. Not that Zhaozi is not by his side, but there’s a difference between the comforting words coming from Zhaozi and the words coming from Tangyi. Something abstract and uncertain, Tangyi made him feel just like that.

 

“Hey, I don’t where we should be going but I guess, let’s have dinner first?”

 

Tangyi’s deep voice awakened him from his train of thoughts. Those eyes are looking at him with anticipation, with a hint of mischief. This is a different side of Tangyi that Shaofei has never knew existed before. How many layers does Tangyi have altogether? Will he be able to uncover all of them someday?

 

Shaofei doesn’t trust his voice or even his words, therefore, he can only give Tangyi a nod. A satisfied smile is now planted on his handsome face, and with that, Tangyi is taking his hands with him again and they run.

 

They are running under the lamp posts and the glimmering stars, hand in hand with his heart bursting like fireworks.

 

If this is the definition of happiness, Shaofei is willing to risk it all just to claim this sweet sensation to be his for as long as he’s still breathing.

 

 

 

One thing that Shaofei finds Tangyi intimidating is his pair of eyes.

 

They are currently residing in a small restaurant near to their campus. This restaurant is selling the best Chinese noodle soup in Taipei, proclaimed by Tangyi, and Shaofei has always been a sucker for Shòuròutāng hence he can’t turn down this offer.

 

Shaofei didn’t notice it at first, but as his eyes landed on Tangyi with an innocent intention to ask him about his order, the latter is already looking at him, and those pair of mysterious globes are hiding a secret from him that leaves Shaofei breathless and clueless.

 

He tried to remain as calm as possible but Shaofei can never lie to himself. The tip of his ears is reddening as the time is ticking, but Tangyi is not even trying to pry his eyes away from Shaofei.

 

Mustering the remnants of his confidence, Shaofei asks, “D-do I have something on my f-face?”

 

As if someone has knocked his head, Tangyi’s body jolted in surprise. He exhaled a breath of relief before the sound of booming laughter erupts from those thin lips. Tangyi’s body is shaking comically, an act to compress the laughter from further detonating. Even though this facet of Tangyi is endearing, but still, Shaofei is afraid of the feelings sprouting to his chest. Is he even worthy of these scared emotions dangling in every space available in his heart?

 

“Nothing, really. I just realized something,” Tangyi answered calmly while sipping his hot tea.

 

Curiousness is eating the insides of his chest in languid motion. Holding his hands together under the table (so that it won’t be evident for Tangyi to see), Shaofei asks, “What did you realize?”

 

Tangyi is smiling again.

 

His eyes are twinkling, and it’s not even night time yet. His eyes are like the stars he sees every night, dancing on top of his head while trying to coax the moon to join them in a frenzy of eager movements and sluggish routine. If only Shaofei can be the reason behind the glimmer from his eyes, and that dazzling smile of his, wouldn’t it be nice?

 

“You have beautiful eyes, Shaofei.”

 

Shaofei has never had the intention to exaggerate on things, but this time around, he is being dead serious. Shaofei is choking from his saliva.

 

Tangyi’s eyes are frantic as he is trying to find a glass of water for Shaofei who’s still coughing non-stop. He is aggravating the surge to laugh solely because he is the cause of this but failed miserably as Shaofei is laughing too.

 

 _God_ , just by hearing the sound of Shaofei’s honey-dripping voice is tingling every nerve in his body.

 

“That’s a stupid thing to say, Tangyi!” Shaofei answered. His eyes are filled with tears of joy, he is holding his stomach tightly to contain the laughter from bursting.

 

“Hey, it’s not! I’m not lying when I said that your eyes are the beautiful, the prettiest I have ever seen, Shaofei,”

 

Shaofei is not buying it, how can someone compliment his eyes as beautiful when ugly circles are covering his orbs from the lack of sleep? Tangyi must be blind or has a poor judgement on things.

 

“I’ll not be taking that as a compliment, Tangyi. I mean, look at my eye bags! They are worse than panda eyes!”

 

Tangyi is smiling again at him but this time, it’s softer and Shaofei doesn’t understand where does this tenderness is coming from, and why it’s there in the first place.

 

“I don’t care what you say, in my eyes, it’s beautiful.”

 

For sure, Tangyi does know how to make his heart race.

 

They enjoyed their noodle soup by sharing stories from their past and present and talking about their hopes for a future that is still in a blur.

 

And throughout their conversation, Shaofei caught himself praying for a future with Tangyi in it.

 

 

 

To say the least, today was… _perfect_.

 

Being with Tangyi, having him close until he could catch a whiff of his cologne is intoxicating. Tangyi’s presence has ignited all the senses in his system, an abundant release of endorphin and serotonin is all thanks to Tangyi.

 

_Tangyi._

 

Tangyi had saved him from Shu Lan. Shaofei doesn’t know for how long will he be able to run away from Shu Lan and Wei Qi, but for now, maybe he can finally exhale a breath of relief. As long as Tangyi is with him, things will be better.

 

Speaking of Shu Lan, Shaofei doesn’t expect to see him standing in front of his house during this late hour.

 

As soon as their eyes met, Shaofei’s heart sinks completely. The same essence of fear is knocking the doors to his heart once again. For a second, Shaofei thought he could escape the reality of his everyday life, but no. He will forever be stuck in this endless maze.

 

“Shu Lan,”

 

“Meng Shaofei,”

 

As the wind is blowing the strands of his hair harshly, Shaofei allows himself to completely disperse into thin air, _once again_.


	6. feels like dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's cold. 
> 
> shaofei just wants to disappear forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: SELF-HARM, BLOOD. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
> 
> now playing: 10-30-2018(감기) - bevy maco

_slowly I'm drowning in tears that I dropped_

_are you tired of this damn cold?_

* * *

 

The ambience circulating them is suffocating.

 

In this deafening silence, Shaofei can hear the rapid beating of his heart is thrumming against his chest. It hurts, each vigorous pounding will form a dent on his ribs, breaking them into small and delicate embers. If only Shu Lan knows how hard it is for him to keep everything inside without any leakage for the past year. If only Shu Lan is aware of his actions and words, will he be able to sympathize him even for a millisecond?

 

“Shaofei, you seemed to be having fun with Tangyi. Are you in a relationship with him?” Shu Lan said with a teasing tone. Somehow, Shaofei knows tonight will not be ending beautifully after all.

 

He could have fought back, he could have punched Shu Lan on his face and ruin the handsomeness he proclaims to have, but Shaofei knows better than to control his anger. He is wise and rational when it comes to making decision therefore he will not let himself fall in this pit of stupidity along with Shu Lan. No, he worth so much more than this.

 

“Oh, I hit the jackpot, didn’t I?”

 

Rolling his eyes, Shaofei asks, “What exactly do you want from me, Shu Lan?”

 

Annoyed, irritated, hatred; Shaofei is experiencing an array of emotions that painted his world in shades of red and black. What makes Shu Lan so envious and angry towards him? Shaofei is tired of thinking about his every word and action, but he can’t recall any events that indicate he has hurt Shu Lan’s feelings. His train of thoughts is put into a screeching stop as his mind wandered to somewhere outside of his usual comfort.  _Is it about Wei Qi?_

 

Shu Lan is looking at him from top to bottom while smirking. The expression on his face disgusted Shaofei in ways that he has never felt before. Suddenly, he is feeling nauseated and everything is mind-boggling.

 

“Do you think you can easily run away from me, just like that?” Shu Lan has closed the distance between them until he was standing in front of Shaofei, eye-to-eye.

 

_There’s that smirk again_.

 

Shaofei wanted to puke.

 

“If you think by having Tangyi as your protector, your life will change for the better then you are damn wrong, Meng Shaofei,” Shu Lan venomously whispered while pushing his finger on his forehead repeatedly.

 

The other is laughing at him, the sound travelling through his eardrums are piercing and vociferous. Shaofei wanted to close both of his ears, he wanted to disappear from this world, from the feeling of being so vulnerable and worthless in front of another human being but to his dismay, he has no strength to even fight for himself.

 

“No matter how hard you are trying to break free, I will always tie you around my fingers. You can never escape from me, Meng Shaofei,”

 

_Vicious words hurt like a bullet._ If only Shu Lan can witness the wounds scattered all over his body. Those detrimental words coming from him are leaving multiple scars that take such a long time to heal. Even if the wounds are healed, it may be bleeding again and the cycle might repeat itself for as long as Shaofei is stuck in the maze.

 

“And you know why, Meng Shaofei? Because you are just a bogus human being born with a silver spoon in your mouth and only living in luxury because of your father’s wealth. Do you think you are better than I am? Watch out, Meng Shaofei, I will bite you back someday. And that day is nearing, you just have to wait and see,”

 

Each line coming from Shu Lan’s lips are poisonous. Shaofei is well aware that he can’t take it to heart, no matter how harsh it is but every time he is downgraded by him, Shaofei’s heart is being ripped into micro pieces for the nth time. Truth to be told, he had lost count, even his fingers are not enough to keep the digits on track. Albeit he has heard those phrases a gazillion time but it still hurts so bad.

 

Under the warm moonlight, Shaofei allows those words to sink into his system as if it will not corrupt him anytime soon.

 

 

 

 

It’s cold.

 

Droplets of water are hitting his exposed body. Trails of shampoo are mixed with the cooling water and his overflowing blood.

 

Shaofei can see the ripples forming on the marbled ground, a swirl of white and red that forms the colour pink, a stark contrast from the shimmering off-white tiles. It’s beautiful, Shaofei enjoys seeing the blood pouring out from his arms. The delicate slit from his wrist and down to his forearm is mesmerizing. It will leave a scar tomorrow but it’s okay, no makeup in this world can’t hide it. He will be perfect again soon.

 

Tonight, he wants to devour himself into a guilty sensation that has no end. Shaofei doesn’t know how to stop because as much as it will break his father’s heart if he discovered about this, but if it can cascade all the pain away from clogging his mind then Shaofei is more than willing to sacrifice a tad of his ugly skin for the razor blade he kept secretly in his bathroom.

 

Sighing heavily, he rested his body against the wall as water is continuing to pour all over his body. The intoxicating exhilaration he is feeling right now is intense, jolting every nerve in his body to an abrogate. It’s freezing in here, Shaofei can see pecks of snow landing on his skin instead of water droplets. Is he starting to be delirious?

 

_Finally_.

 

His lips are forming a huge smile as the pain on his arm is vanishing into thin air. The muzzle of the night is decorated with pit and pat of cold water against his loathe body. Sighing, his legs are finally deceiving him as he slowly glides down from his previous standing position.

 

Everything is in a haze as he can feel the woe on his arm and the hot tears falling from his eyes.

 

 

 

 

Tangyi can’t keep his eyes off of Shaofei.

 

The other is eerily silent today. Usually, he will be the first to initiate a conversation with him or even just asking about his day. But now, Shaofei is sitting silently next to him while staring into the blank space of his notebook. From his point of view, Shaofei’s mind is buzzing with a thousand thoughts but there’s no way Tangyi will be able to ask him why.

 

It’s frustrating. Tangyi has always wanted to be the first for Shaofei, he wants the other to rely on him, to believe in him and to put his utter trust on him, but Shaofei just won’t crack no matter how hard Tangyi is trying to win his heart. There’s a wall between Shaofei in him, a cage where it’s trapping Shaofei’s heart from experiencing the sweet taste of freedom. He is desperate, he wants to help Shaofei, he wants Shaofei to know how wonderful and amazing he is but judging from this moment, Tangyi needs to try harder than this.

 

As his eyes are scanning around the hall, he spotted Shu Lan looking at Shaofei with an evil sneer on his face. His eyes are brimming with rancour, a satisfied look is evident for everyone to see. Something must have had happened between them, but what is it?

 

Tangyi inhales a deep breath before whispering, “Shaofei, are you okay?”

 

Shaofei jumps slightly as Tangyi’s deep voice awakens him from his empty thoughts. Fixing his loose t-shirt and tucking the strand of hair behind his ear, Shaofei sheepishly says, “Hmm? What did you say? Sorry, I was thinking of something else,”

 

Without Tangyi realizing, his heart sinks when he caught a glimpse of Shaofei's eyes.  _It's swollen_. “What were you thinking about, Shaofei? You were deep in thoughts,”

 

The look on Shaofei’s face is showing nothing but discomfort but he is quick to break the facade and replaces the stoic expression with a small smile and utters, “Nothing important. Don’t worry about me, Tangyi. I’m fine,”

 

One thing that Tangyi knows is Shaofei is a terrible liar. The tip of his ears is red and he is playing with the corner of the paper. It’s a sign of anxiousness and Tangyi knows this, he has seen this scene unfolding in front of him before. He has seen Shaofei in tears and he has witnessed Shaofei when he’s dazzling in happiness. In no other way that the latter can fool him, not when he can already read him like an open book.

 

For now, Tangyi can only give Shaofei a small nod and he sees the other’s tense body relaxes. It hurts him to know that Shaofei is indeed in pain but Tangyi is sure that someday, he will open up to him.

 

He looks at Shaofei with a ton of thoughts and perceptions in his mind.

 

_Meng Shaofei, why won’t you let me in?_

 

 

 

 

“Ah Fei, you know that I love you, right?”

 

Li An is lacing their fingers together in hopes that it can calm his best friend from the hurricane of emotions in his broken heart. Shaofei came to his house and hugs him tight, but Li An knows that his brother in massive pain. Hot tears are dampening his pyjamas but Li An doesn’t care about that at all. To see Shaofei being so crippled and pale breaks his heart even more than he can ever imagine.

 

Shaofei can’t find his voice to muster a reply. He can only nod at his best friend, burying his head deeper into the crook of Li An’s neck, inhaling a scent that replicates the smell of home and his father’s cologne.

 

Li An traces the fresh cut on Shaofei’s arms with the tip of his fingers. Those lines are still blaring red and the pain is still subsiding in Shaofei’s body. As much as Li An is trying to save his best friend from falling deeper and deeper into the pit of hell, it’s still not working. Shaofei will always end up at the same spot again and again as if the world is only revolving solely on him.

 

A tear falls on Shaofei’s silky, jet-black hair as the sadness got the best of him. Li An wants nothing more than for this agony to stop but he still can’t find the exit. Will Shaofei be able to get away from his misery?

 

“Li An…” Shaofei vulnerably called, his voice was quivering as the last amount of energy in him was poured into each alphabet.

 

Li An is hugging Shaofei even tighter than before, holding him close to his chest because he is afraid because what if when he let go, will Shaofei recede away from his life forever?

 

Shaofei slowly loosening his whole around Li An’s waist as he aimlessly whispers, “I’m, so tired… can I… sleep forever?”

 

As the night deepens, not a single star is available on the sky. Even the moon is nowhere to be found, lost in a black hole that is deep and endless. If Shaofei falls into the black hole, will he be able to return?

 

Tonight, Li An embraces Shaofei delicately, cradling his weak body in his arms. He caresses the scar-filled arms with tears falling like a downpour from his eyes. He bites back the sob from erupting because he doesn’t want to wake Shaofei from his slumber.

 

He touches Shaofei carefully as if he is made of glass. He fondles the other’s off-white skin as if he is made from paper because if he exerts more pressure to his hold, Li An is afraid that Shaofei might shatter right in front of him.

 

Li An kisses the crown of Shaofei’s head with crystals falling from his overly-swollen eyes, praying hard that tomorrow, every ounce of sorrow in his best friend’s heart will be lifted away forever.


	7. feels like i'm elevating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tangyi only wants to pull shaofei closer to him.
> 
> but shaofei only knows how to push him further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is going to end soon. I'm sorry for everything. this chapter is overwhelming me too. I hope that it's not too much or too little.

_I wanna ask you if this is all just in my head  
My heart is pounding tonight, I wonder  
If you are too good to be true  
And would it be alright if I  
Pulled you closer_

* * *

 

When Shaofei reaches his house that night, he is surprised to see Tangyi standing in front of the door. It’s already 1.00 a.m.

 

Absentmindedly, Shaofei becomes cautious of the slits on his arms. Even though he is wearing a long sleeve shirt but still, he will always feel as if he is stripped naked whenever Tangyi is in front of him. Tangyi can almost see right through him and the thought scares him to death. What if Tangyi can see all of his imperfections that he has been trying so hard to hide? He’s not wearing makeup too right now, Tangyi can see the ugly bags under his eyes. Shaofei doesn’t want to see him but Tangyi is already walking towards him with an expression close to worry and pity. Shaofei doesn’t want that. He doesn’t deserve that.

 

“Shaofei.” He softly called while his eyes were busy scanning Shaofei’s face and body.

 

Shaofei tried to hide his face with the help of his sleeves again but Tangyi caught his hands halfway. His hands are cold and it breaks Shaofei’s heart even more. Did he wait for him that long?

 

Inhaling a deep breath, Shaofei answers, “Tangyi.” but his voice is quivering, it’s foreign in his ears too. His eyes are still on the ground. He can never look at Tangyi, not when he knows his world is already shattering right in front of him. Tangyi can’t see him in this vulnerable state. _It’s disgusting_. Tears are threatening to fall because the way Tangyi is holding him so carefully and tenderly, Shaofei’s broken heart is pounding once again with a feeling similar to hope and solace. After all this while, whenever Tangyi touches him, he feels warm and loved. He isn’t supposed to feel this way though.

 

The hand that is holding his own is now busy caressing his cheeks. A finger is lifting his chin and in mere seconds, Shaofei can already see Tangyi’s handsome face in full view. The moon is shining right behind Tangyi and his whole existence is sparkling with magnificence. He is radiating energy that is supposed to save his drowning self but the emotions are too heavy for his heart to bear. It is burning down the insides of his body and turning them into embers. This is too much. Everything that Shaofei is feeling at the moment is too overwhelming.

 

Tears are already flowing down from his eyes as Tangyi ardently caresses his sunken cheeks. He doesn’t say or even do anything rather than drawing circles on his cheeks repeatedly. His eyes never leave Shaofei’s though. Shaofei is emotionless, he can only look at Tangyi while those crystals are busy leaving tracks on his cheeks that will soon corrode his skin.

 

Tangyi’s cold hands are becoming warmer gradually as they are resting on his crimson cheeks. There’s a small smile tugging the latter’s thin lips and a luminance from Tangyi’s eyes. Shaofei can almost see the galaxies in those orbs as the moon and the stars are evolving around them gleefully. Tangyi is beautiful and perfect, everything that Shaofei can never be. How can Tangyi be here in the middle of the night just to hold a broken Meng Shaofei when he can spend the rest of the time left sleeping or doing other beneficial things?

 

Tangyi pulls him close and hugs him. Shaofei is immediately greeted with a warmth that is excruciating and immensely painful. His heart, his small and fragile heart can never withstand this sudden wave of emotion hitting him all at once. Shaofei doesn’t deserve this, not when he often tried pushing the other away before he can start despising Shaofei just like the rest of the world is doing to him.

 

“Shaofei,” Tangyi called with desperation. “Please… let me in.”

 

The grip around his waist tightens instantly. Shaofei has made a promise to himself, that no matter what happens, only Li An can know about his problems and his dirty little secrets but now, it’s different. Tangyi has always been persistent from day one. He has always been trying to enter his corrupted world, trying to rupture the bubble Shaofei has already created to protect him, and he is always trying to cross the thin line Shaofei has drawn between them. Why is it so hard for Tangyi to understand that it’s not worth it. Tangyi will be disgusted just like how Shu Lan and Wei Qi are.

 

Shaofei wants to pull himself away from Tangyi’s hold but the other is hugging him closer and tighter. It’s even more heart wrenching because the force executed is not strong enough to bruise his skin. _It’s too much_. He hits Tangyi’s chest repeatedly because he is desperate to run away and hide forever. He doesn’t want his world to crumble in front of Tangyi anymore. It’s unbearable. Shaofei can never bear this pain.

 

“Shaofei, let me in.”

 

Tangyi’s voice is like the waves washing his feet. It enables him to feel the cooling breeze kissing his scarred-skin and left his whole being to experience a sense of fullness and home. Tangyi makes him feel at the comfort of his home, where his father is waiting for him with a smile on his face.

 

A kiss landed on the crown of his head that erupts a sob to fall from his lips in an instant. He has been silently crying in Tangyi’s chest but now, he is making all of these ugly noises and Tangyi must be so disgusted with him-

 

“Shaofei, you just have to come to me. I’m opening my doors now. _Heck_ , my door is always open for you. Just, come to me Shaofei. Please.”

 

Tangyi stops him every hit with a kiss on his forehead. Each kiss is making the butterflies in his stomach happy because they are excitedly flying all over the place. The buzzing feeling is tickling his heart. Shaofei almost wanted to cough out all the butterflies because them flying in his body are making him feel nauseous.

 

Shaofei sees his hands are trembling while loosely holding onto Tangyi’s waist. He whispers, “I can’t.” It’s impossible. Shaofei can never let anyone into his world. People who dare to enter his world will be left with nothing but sadness and agony. He doesn’t want Tangyi to be apart of it.

 

“I’m not forcing you, Shaofei,” Tangyi said while pushing their bodies apart, leaving an inch of space in between them. The latter is resting his forehead against Shaofei’s, allowing himself to see the other’s beautiful face in view.

 

“Just… let me pull you closer. I’m willing to be apart of your world. I want to be there for you.”

 

As much as Shaofei wants to say yes but it’s harder to give in to temptation. Shaofei knows he is being selfish but this is a result of being too careless in the past. He will not make the same mistake ever again. Hurting a person that he loves is already a burden he has to carry for the rest of his life. Tangyi will not be his next victim.

 

The other holds him throughout the night. Memories of them being together are unclear in Shaofei’s mind. When he wakes up that morning, he’s already in bed with a blanket tucking him into sleep. Tangyi’s subtle touches are still lingering on his skin but it’s unpleasant. Shaofei feels dirty.

 

He takes a cold shower despite the weather to be below 10 degrees. The coldness is easing the flame in his heart. Maybe, it will wash all those innocent touches from kissing his flawed skin even more.

 

 

 

 

Li-An and Liang Dian greeted him as he enters the gates.

 

Shaofei can only smile at them both as Li An pulls him into a tight hug. Liang Dian on the other side can only pat his head lovingly. Shaofei smiles at him. Liang Dian is a nice guy and Shaofei is glad that Li An can love and be loved by someone as good as him. Liang Dian reminds him of Tangyi, maybe it’s because they are the best of friends too. Shaofei has given up on love for a long time already. He is not in the right place to experience the wonders of love anymore.

 

When he sees Tangyi standing in the hallway, his heart is constricting again. It’s always the same feeling. Whenever he sees Tangyi, the other has this power to make him feel vulnerable and insecure with himself. He hates it. He hates how Tangyi can make him feel too much and too little at the same time. Tangyi is making his small heart to start hoping again for a better day which is impossible for a sinner like him. He doesn’t deserve to be happy.

 

He walks pass by Tangyi without sparing the other a glance. His name is being called repeatedly but the other is not chasing after him. If Tangyi does care, he should be running to get him, right?

 

Shaofei is surely going out of his mind. He is the one that pushes Tangyi away and now he wants Tangyi to come to him? He’s a loon for sure.

 

He is so busy with his buzzing thoughts that he accidentally runs into someone. Shaofei bowed repeatedly as he apologizes. He hears a huff of a breath that sounded all-too-familiar.

 

“Watch where you are going, loser.”

 

It’s Shu Lan.

 

_God, why?_ Why does he have to cross path with this person so early in the morning?

 

Shaofei’s gaze falters from his the ground to Shu Lan. The other is wearing a smug expression on his face. Usually, Shaofei will be scared of it but now, he feels anger slowly boiling inside of him. This is such a foreign feeling. Shaofei has never felt anything like this before. The feeling of anger and bravery, it’s never in his book of life. What is this? Why is he feeling this way?

 

He doesn’t realize that he is staring right into Shu Lan’s eyes, not until he hears the other talking to him again. “What are you looking at?” He asked. Shu Lan’s eyes are blown-wide right now because he is taken aback by Shaofei’s sudden bravery too. The other will always look down whenever he is talking to him. But now, their eyes are meeting and something is sparking in those trembling pupils. Shu Lan swallows a sudden lump forming in his throat nervously but of course, he will never let Shaofei knows this. He will never let the latter know he is intimidated by Shaofei’s gaze at the moment.

 

He pushes Shaofei’s forehead repeatedly with his index finger. “What are you looking at, huh? What are you looking at?” Shaofei’s body ends up meeting the wall on his back as Shu Lan has guarded him completely.

 

His legs are shaking but the determination is blinding him. All Shaofei can see right now is red.

 

“How dare you look at me like that? Who do you think you are, huh? Do you think you are more superior than me just because you have someone to fuck around with?”

 

Something in him snaps completely.

 

Shaofei pushes Shu Lan to the wall. A loud thud resounded as well as surprised gasps coming from the other students around them. But Shaofei can no longer see anything. His eyes are zeroing on Shu Lan’s face, nothing can ever disturb him now.

 

“What did I do, huh? Is it my fault? Why am I the only one to blame? You were there too!” Shaofei screamed, his voice raw and hoarse. Tears are already falling from his eyes. Everything that he has been keeping to himself is exploding right in front of him.

 

Shaofei further pushes Shu Lan to the wall, hoping that their bodies will pass through the concrete. He exerted so much pressure to his hold that Shu Lan is crying for air. Shaofei can no longer contain the injustice he has been trying to keep up from that day. He is not strong enough to bear it all.

 

“You were there too when she died! You were there too…” Shaofei brokenly whispered as his trembling hands were starting to lose its hold on Shu Lan’s neck.

 

“You could have saved her! You know that I love her!”

 

“She wanted to end her life! She signed the DNR! We couldn’t do anything, Shu Lan! She was the one who had chosen that path!”

 

Shu Lan is crying too. It’s too much.

 

Shaofei is looking into Shu Lan’s eyes and says, “She wanted to die all along. How can it be my fault, huh? Shu Lan, tell me. How can it be my fault?”

 

Everything is happening way too fast.

 

Shu Lan has almost beat him up to death. Shaofei can no longer see straight as the stars are all over the place. He can’t see it, but he knows that the light shining in front of him is a path either to heaven or hell. Can Shaofei choose which path he wants to walk to?

 

The taste of iron is filling his tastebuds. It’s an unpleasant taste but Shaofei is used to it by now. He has smelled this scent a lot of times when he is alone at night in his bathroom. The colour red is mixing with the white shampoo that creates a ripple of pink on the bathroom floor. Shaofei remembers how beautiful it looks like against off-white tiles. Will it be beautiful on his skin too?

 

Something his holding his body, or rather someone. His body is being elevated to the sky and Shaofei feels like he is flying. He can finally tell his mother that his dreams of flying are a reality after all.

 

Faint images of a familiar silhouette in front of him. Maybe if Shaofei can stay focused, he can see and know who’s the owner of this shadow surrounding him. Sadly, he is too busy letting the sleepiness to drown him alive.

 

Shaofei instantly remembered his father’s smiling face. It hurts but in a good way. He will be waiting for him with his mother. Finally, they can be together again.

 

Even though the touch on his skin is cold but it slowly becomes warmer. Shaofei knows this. But he can’t quite pinpoint who’s the owner of this familiar warmth.

 

Maybe if he ever wakes up again, he will thank the person holding his body like he is made of glass with a heart filled with gratitude.

 

Maybe if he ever wakes up again, Shaofei will become whole again, and not just fragments broken into pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my first language henceforth i really wanted to apologize for every error contain in this story.
> 
> kudos/comments are very well appreciated! thank you so much!
> 
> -starrystars


End file.
